


Take Me Home

by itabitaboo



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Canon, Alternate Ending, Alternate Universe - Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-23
Updated: 2012-12-04
Packaged: 2017-12-16 00:50:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/855884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itabitaboo/pseuds/itabitaboo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sasuke is on his way to Konoha, but a certain familiar blond stands in his way. He must surpass Naruto to complete his objective but wonders if he has the strength to do so. Naruto faces Sasuke with an ultimatum that could change both of their lives. What'll Sasuke do and how will Naruto react?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part I

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This is a SPOILER ALERT! There is nothing seriously detailed in this fic, but there are general depictions of what has happened in cannon. If you aren't up to, at least, chapter 401 in the manga or episode 141 in the anime, then don't read this because you'll be annoyed at what you've read.
> 
> Warning: This fic is only rated T because of some obvious violence and a bit of swearing.

I try, but I can't help the grimace that crosses my face. _Why?_ I find myself questioning.  _Why is it still going on?_ It's just Naruto, weak Naruto.

But I'm clutching my broken ribs, courtesy of that "weak" Naruto, and willing the pain to subside. I can't fight like this, but I have to. I have no choice. My shirt is bled through and I'm starting to wonder if I'll be able to stay conscious for much longer, but I know I must. I must stay awake. I must keep my eyes open, alert, and trained on the blond that I'm grappling with. Naruto has grown far too skilled to be underestimated. In earlier years, I would pretend that he was nothing to me. I pretended that he was worthless, like I could beat him with my eyes closed. But I always knew better, didn't I? Because Naruto was always strong.

He's not weak at all, is he? And... no... I don't suppose he really ever was.

Naruto was strong because he wasn't like me. He was alone, yes, and so was I, but he had something I could never gain. He had spirit. He had  _life._  But, me? Well, I was always just going through the motions, and that's all. Naruto never had anyone, a soul less fortunate than even I, but his spirit never broke. No hands ever reached out for him, but he carried on, regardless, and relied only on himself. That's strength. Me... I was never strong. Even now, I'm weak. I had hands thrust out at me since the day that my clan was killed, but I never took them. I pushed them away, convinced that I could thrive in solitude.

I was wrong.

Yeah, I've made it through life so far. I made it to Orochimaru. I learned from him. I mastered skills. I killed Itachi. But was that enough? No. Because when it came to the very end of the questline that was supposed to finally bring me peace, there was nothing waiting for me but more turmoil. So what exactly does making it through life so far even mean? More pain. Isn't that all? More suffering. More struggling. More of doing it all on my own. Did I want that for myself? Was this what I had envisioned when I'd left Konoha? What even was it that I envisioned at that young, naive age? Does that even matter now? I guess not. Because no matter what the past holds, the present doesn't halt. The future doesn't delay. Nothing will stop. My revenge didn't stop, and that's what led me here. There was more, but I don't think I was ever destined to finish this leg of the journey. Now, I aim to avenge Itachi. And I do not fear that I don't have the skill. What have I been doing all this time if not acquiring skill? What I fear is that I do not have the strength.

Naruto always excelled at everything. And it had nothing to do with his skill, but everything to do with his heart. I want to say that it sounds stupid, but it's really not. Isn't that what sits at the core of us all, driving us onward? A heart? Isn't that what defines the difference between a coward and a hero? No matter how many times he was knocked down, Naruto stood back up. No matter how many fights he lost, he won the ones that mattered. No matter how many injuries he suffered, he protected those who needed protecting. Even when we were children, Naruto was strong. And I envied him. I envied him so deeply that my guts _still_ burn with the occassional contempt, even after all this time we've been apart.

I used to be abe to run circles around him in talent. But I was just this child engulfed in the darkness, always being forced to stand beside a boy with a destiny so bright that it blinded me, it kept me from being able to look at him truly and see what he was really worth. I always knew that I was standing beside someone who would one day be better than me, who had _always_ been better than me. I always knew that I would never grow like Naruto could. I still haven't grown. I'm still the same frightened, abandoned child seeking refuge. And athough I knew Naruto's destiny was brighter than mine and although I felt a burning jealousy in my bones, I was eager to stay at his side anyway. I was eager to bathe in his light. I suppose that's really how we became friends in the first place. Jealous as I had always been, I was drawn to him.

I think I always knew that I would meet Naruto here, even before I figured out the truth about Itachi. I think it was always written in the lines of our destinies, and I think I always knew that it would be pure luck that would have me defeat him. Maybe that was what constantly drove me to underestimate him, a desperate need for him to be weaker than he truly was. But he is— No, he has  _always_ been stronger than me. Sure, I've managed to break a few of his ribs in this fight, but that's nothing really. What matters now is no measure of broken bones or skills or weapons. What matters is this, what's happening right now. What matters is the fight that he still has left tucked inside, the fight that I have never once had within me. Where he found strength, I found hatred. But hatred doesn't breed strong men. It breeds angry men.

Sure, an angry man may have the bigger will to fight, but that anger clouds his judgement. There's something about those impure emotions built from hated and negativity that makes one's inner eye hazy. And when your inner eye is hazy, you start to see the world in a warped shape. Angry men can't see clearly, and that's what'll bring an angry man to lose the most important fights. A strong man like Naruto may never falter though. He may never fail. He fights and he wins because he has true strength. And more often than not, he's pitted against blind, angry men like me. I'm smarter and more talented than everyone I've fought up until now, and that's what has gotten me to where I am today. But, as I said, an angry man can and will easily lose the most important battles of his life. Everything up until now has meant nothing in the grand scheme of it all. This fight right here is the most important battle to me; but I find that I'm pitted against a strong man, and I find that neither my wits nor talent will allow me to pass him.

But, still, I feel so angry. And, still, he stands so steadfast, so firm, so strong.

No, Naruto is not weak in any sense of the word. And because of that, I must not let him slip from my sights for even a moment. I must not let him get to me. I will fight through the pain. I will fight through the exhaustion. I will kill him because I must. It's the only way to do what needs to be done. He foolishly protects what has destroyed my brother's life, what has destroyed _my_ life. And I know I can't win and I never could, but I'll fight anyway. I'll fight because I'm angry. He's an obstacle, so he must die. Is that really so easy to say? Of course not, but it must be said nonetheless. Naruto must die. I regret that  _I_  must kill him. But it's always been this way, hasn't it? It's always been certain that he would be my biggest obstacle and, perhaps, I would be his.

In a sudden movement, he flashes to the right and advances upon me. I can't remove my hand from my side, so I just move in tandem with him. I turn to keep us facing each other and hope that when he reaches me, I can dodge any fatal blows. Although, to be honest, I'm not sure that Naruto has it in him to actually kill me. He comes closer and closer and closer still, but he's not preparing for an attack and that makes me wonder what the hell he's doing. How do I dodge an attack that's not being launched? I'll bet that a look of confusion flutters across my face, even if I don't want it to. Next thing I know, his hands are clamped around both of my wrists and I'm lying on the ground with him straddling me. I try not to let my face show the excruciating pain that he's put me in, but that's easy. I do my best, though, because he shows no sign of pain—even though he's, certainly, feeling it too—and I'm eager to match his resolve.

"STOP!" he bellows.

I flinch, though I don't mean to. I'm shocked enough for the pain to be momentarily forgotten, and I just stare at him for a moment longer before he continues.

"I don't want this," he says.

His voice is much quieter now, but his eyes are lit up like a fire. I know he must be hurting and tired too, but there's no sign of defeat in his eyes. He'll carry this fight out for the rest of his life if he has to, and I can see that. I fear that he can see the defeat in  _my_  eyes, so I retort quickly. I'm hoping more to get myself in check rather than him though.

"You don't always get what you want," I say coolly.

His eyes narrow and I use this as an opportunity to wriggle out of his clutches, but to no avail. He reacts immediately and I'm pinned back down before my wrists even lift a centimeter off of the ground.

"No, Sasuke, I don't," he agrees coldly, staring fiercely into my eyes. "You've been gone for years, so I, clearly,  _do not_  always get what I want." I don't know what to say, so I just stare back at him with a blank face. I don't want him to see any of what's going on beneath. He continues on in my silence. "Why—"

"Don't you  _dare_  ask me why I left again!" I shout, interrupting him, as a flourish of spontaneous emotion washes through me. I'm just so goddamn sick of the question. "It's obvious, dobe!" I say angrily.

His eyes light up at the use of the term 'dobe', and I curse myself for saying it. Even if it's a mean word, it's oddly endearing for the two of us and I shouldn't have used it. It gives him hope. Frankly, it gives me hope too, but I abandon that feeling immediately. I don't need hope. I need luck to get me through this battle and on to Konoha to avenge Itachi. I need to be lucky enough to kill Naruto or, perhaps, lucky enough to get by without killing him.

"Obvious? What?" he asks. "You just  _had_  to go on some stupid search for revenge?" I know that the question is rhetorical because he already knows the answer, but he pauses anyway. I just allow it to be met with my silence, nothing short of what he expected. "How did it feel when you got it?" he asks, far too calmly. I want to scream and shout at him because he doesn't understand. "I bet nothing like what you imagined, right? I bet it felt horrible. And now you're just on another stupid quest for the same unsatisfying thing! When will it end, Sasuke?! When?!" he demands.

"When I've died and gone to hell," I say loudly. I'm not even thinking anymore. I'm just speaking.

"No!" he shouts. "No! I won't let you!"

I sneer. As if he has the power to decide that! He reads my sneer perfectly. "Stop fighting it, Naruto. We were always meant to be enemies," I begin saying.

"No," he interjects.

I keep talking as if he's said nothing. "We were always meant to fight in the end."

"No," he repeats.

I continue. "We're rivals, just as we were always fated to be."

"No!" he shouts.

I ignore him. "So get off of me and fight me like a man!"

"No!" he screams and starts to cry. I don't even want to admit it to myself, but it pains me to see him do that. Typical Naruto, getting too involved in things that he shouldn't.

I should be cold and numb, but I'm not. I can't be, not to him. I see those tears and it rips me up inside. I want him to stop crying. I don't want to, but I have to kill him. If he hadn't gotten in my way, then I wouldn't have to. But he did. He got in my way, and now I have to suffer the pain of killing my best friend, the only person I've ever loved. I guess I loved Itachi too after he told me everything, but not as surely as I love Naruto. As much as we butted heads, I love him. He was my best friend. He still is. He's here, putting his life on the line just to save me. As much as I want to go with him, though, I have to fight for Itachi. I was never heartless, never once. I just rationed out my emotions carefully, and that's what I have to do now. I don't have enough for Naruto and Itachi both, so I pick my brother. As it should be. As it was fated to be.

"We don't have to do exactly what they expect of us, do we?" he asks. I wonder how it is that he can go from such intensity to this quiet, soft voice so easily. How does he have so many emotions and how can he use them so carelessly?

"I'm only doing what I expect of myself," I say. I'm not even sure if I believe it. I'm not sure of anything anymore. If he released me, would I honestly kill him or would I turn and run like a coward from this clearing? I'm surprised when he does release my wrists. He moves off of me and sits on his knees, staring down at the ground. I sit through a moment of hesitation. Fighting or fleeing, I  _do_  need my weapon still, so I stand up and retrieve my katana. I, then, throw all of his kunai to his side. I question my actions for a moment. What will I do? "Fight," I demand after a moment's contemplation.

"No," he whispers so quietly that I almost don't hear. My head is starting to spin. If I don't get this over with, I'll pass out. I've decided to fight, so I'm going to fight goddamnit and he's going to fight back!

"Fight," I command him louder.

He shakes his head. "No," he repeats. I don't have time to argue, but I can't kill him unarmed.

"I'll kill you, regardless," I threaten, and I feel like I mean it. I have to avenge Itachi.

"Then, kill me," he says quietly. "I'd rather be dead than keep living this life. It's meaningless, Sasuke. It's empty." I'm silently shocked and I just watch him, an ache growing ever larger in my chest. Now, I'm not so sure that I meant it. I want him to live. I want him to grow old and be happy. But if he insists on trying to stop me, I can do nothing but kill him, right? If I must kill him, I'd rather he not fill me with these childish emotions that I had thought I left far behind me. I'd rather he stop confusing me. He continues on though. "You, you're always running, chasing after death. Me, I'm always following, chasing after you. You fight because you think it's your duty—"

"It is," I snap, but he continues unperturbed.

"I chase because I think it's  _my_  duty—" he goes on.

"It's not," I interject half-heartedly, feeling stupid affection for this boy who feels so obligated to me. But I don't think he hears the weakness in my voice, because he just keeps talking.

"But what  _are_  our duties, Sasuke?" he asks, still looking down at the ground. "What have they  _ever_  been? Were they once to laugh and play as children? That's something neither of us did much of, not as lonely as we were. Were they once to learn and train as ninja? That's something we both did well, I think. Were they, then, to protect those that we love? I think that really always has been our one and only duty, Sasuke, just to protect those that we love."

"That's what I'm doing, Naruto," I say flatly. Although, I can't help but think that it's a lie. I'm not protecting Naruto, am I? I can't voice that opinion though. Hell, I can't even think it. I shouldn't be thinking it.

"No," he says, finally looking up at me. "No, you're not. Can you protect a clan that's dead? No, you can't. You were a child. It was  _never_ your responsibility to protect them and, certainly, never to darken your hands with blood for them. Can you protect a brother that's passed? No, you can't. You were meant to find peace in his words, Sasuke, not bloody your hands further. None of that was  _ever_  your duty, but you pursued it nonetheless."

"And _I_ was never  _your_  duty," I retort. Again, my words are weak and free of conviction, but I don't think he notices this time either.

"But you were," he argues. "You were my responsibility since the day that we met, and I was yours. I like to think I still am."

"FIGHT ME!" I scream. I'm seeing where this is going, and I want it to end before it begins. I'm exhausted, emotionally and physically. I don't want to hear anymore. I'm too confused and, as I said before, I'm weak. I don't want him to go too far and defeat me with his words. I'm already at war with my emotions, emotions that I thought I had lost long ago. I can't fight this verbal battle too.

He continues on, regardless. "I held a duty to protect you, Sasuke, because I love you. You loved me too. You still do," he says.

"FIGHT ME!" I scream again, though it's feeble. I've lost my ability to stand and buckle down to my knees. My head is spinning into unconsciousness. I can feel it. My body is betraying me.

He still continues to speak. "You can't escape that, Sasuke. You'll always have a duty to me. If to no one else, then always to me. We were never enemies. We were always a pair. So if you want to kill me for some fruitless path to misery, then, by all means, kill me. But I will not fight you. Up until now, I have been fighting to save you. I can fight no more. I have lost my strength. If you are a decent man, you'll save me the pain and just strike me down." He paused for a moment, and then he asks me the golden question. "Can you do that?"

_Can_ I? Can I kill him? Excuse of not killing an unarmed man aside, can I ever truly kill Naruto? I don't know. I think that the answer is no, but it  _has_  to be yes. I  _have_  to kill him to get by him. And if I don't get by him, then I'll never be able to right the wrongs done to Itachi and to my clan. I may love Naruto, but what kind of man would I be if I didn't love my brother more? How can I pass up the opportunity to avenge my brother, my entire clan, simply because it's hard to kill someone along the way?

I want to scream, to shout, to argue... but it's difficult. I've always known that this was a fruitless path, I think. What has revenge ever gotten me? I knew it would bring me nothing, but I followed that path anyway because I was angry. And once I'd left Konoha, I had no choice. I'd set a standard that I had to adhere to just by leaving the village. I was alone. No one could save me. I lost myself the day that I'd left and I have never been able to meander back. I realize now that all of this time, Naruto has been trying to guide me. But I have been blinded by anger, claiming that he couldn't understand me. But he did. He always understood and he followed close behind me, trying to protect me, despite how wicked I have been. I'm feeling lost, defeated, and afraid, so I feign anger. It's the best thing that I know how to do.

"Fuck you!" I shout, but it sounds meek and noncommittal.

He smirks, but there's no true mirth in it. "I thought so," he says quietly. I can feel the relief radiating off of him, knowing that I can't kill him. I wonder if he feels the misery leaking off of me. I wonder if he understands the aching war going on in my chest. "You don't have to come back with me," he says quietly. I can't tell if I'm shocked, relieved, or disappointed. "We can go somewhere else," he explains. He crawls over to me quickly and takes my katana from my hand, throwing it away. The look in his eyes is heart wrenching. It's hopeful and they're sparkling, but it's exactly how I feel too. "We can go anywhere but back to our lives. We can be new people. We can be happy... together."

I feel myself start to fall sideways, but he catches me. I'm losing consciousness fast now. It feels nice to feel his touch. It makes me imagine us living together in the wilderness somewhere. He'll try to catch fish with his hands and he'll be really bad at it. But, at they very least, he'll cause the fish to jump so I can get them with chidori. He'll insist on making it into ramen too. Every other fishing trip, he'll try to make ramen. But he'll suck at making it and let me cook in the end. He'll snore really loud and kick me off of the bed most nights, but I won't mind because it's funny. He'll always wake up late, but I won't mind that either because I like the way his hair tussles when he rolls out of bed. I might let that slip once and he'll never comb his hair on purpose just to make me happy. We'd be happy, wouldn't we?

Every day I would feel this touch. Every day I would feel loved. I try to nod in agreement. I want to go, Naruto. Take me. I feel his arms tighten around me and I'm sure he can hear me, even though I'm sure I'm not speaking. But of course he can hear me. It's Naruto. Even after so many years of running away from him, from Konoha, he still reads me like a book. I'm just barely able to let one last thought slip out.

"You're not weak," I say. "You're strong." I think he smiles, but everything is too blurred to really tell.

His warmth is closing in on me and I'm lulled off into a deep sleep. I can only hope that I wake up in a deserted cabin somewhere and not in the heart of Konoha. I can only hope that he takes me far away from our lives and that I can wake to nothing but his big, stupid smile.

Hope. God, it's been so long since I've hoped, but it feels good. It feels warm, like the warmth of Naruto's body. And it makes me forget to be angry.


	2. Part II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: There is some bad language in this fic. There is also the mildest yaoi ever. Maybe they kiss. Maybe they don't. You'll have to find out, won't you? :)
> 
> SPOILER ALERT: If you aren't up to episode 86 in the anime or chapter 260 in the manga, don't read. I'm not sure if that information is actually perfectly right, but it's the best guess that I have. To make it a bit easier, if you don't know what special skill Jiraiya and Naruto share, don't read this. You'll find out eventually. Of course, if you've read the previous part of Take Me Home, then you already know what other spoilers lay ahead.

Sasuke shifts and I hold my breath. Is he gonna wake up? I watch him intently for a few seconds until I deduce that he's not waking up. I sigh. I don't know if I'm happy about that or not. In truth, I don't know what the fuck I'll say to him when he  _does_  wake up. Fuck, I don't even know if he'll stay long enough for me to say anything. I kind of just took a gamble with him. He was passing out, so I scooped him up and ran.

Sure, it was a bit reckless. People will start missing me real soon. Sakura is probably already suspicious. She's kept a real close eye on me since  _that day_  so long ago when Sasuke... you know... left. I can't blame her. I  _have_  been a wreck. I've been chasing him all over the place, hoping to get an audience with him and, well, I don't know. Convince him to come home? Yeah, right. As if he could ever really do that. He's a missing-nin. He's wanted for a lot of crimes in a lot of different places. I chased him anyway though, convinced that I'd just know what to do when I finally caught up to him.

I guess, in the end, I did.

Word got to me that he was on a mission to destroy Konoha, and I knew that I had to protect the village. More importantly, though, I had to protect Sasuke. Even if he has grown, there was just no way that he could walk away from that mission alive. They would kill him. And if they didn't, they would capture him and  _then_  they would kill him. I couldn't let that happen and I couldn't let him harm even one person in the village either, so I set up posts all around Konoha to watch for him. I've had shadow clones keeping an eye out for him. I'd been at it for days and it'd been tiring work, but it finally paid off when I caught Sasuke approaching.

I didn't have time for nerves. Before I knew it, we were intersecting in a clearing in the woods and, before I even had time to speak, he was attacking me. I defended myself at first, but I soon figured out that I'd really have to fight back, so I did. We were pretty evenly matched, except he was losing more blood than me. It's the kyuubi chakra that saved my ass, really. Otherwise, we  _both_  might have been passed out in that clearing right now, just waiting for Sakura to find us.

That would be bad. Sakura of all people can never find us. She once loved Sasuke, but that was a long time ago. Things have since changed. Sasuke has become such a villain to her, and it's not because of all of the things that he's wanted for. It's because of something very different, something much more personal to her. It's because of me. Sakura and I grew close over time. It was inevitable. I eventually stopped chasing her tail when I had Sasuke to obsess over. Somewhere along the way, she and I became like brother and sister. I don't know when I realized it, but everything changed when I decided that I was... well... that I was  _in love_  with Sasuke. Sakura was the one to point it out, actually, and she was very scornful about it at first.

So there it is. I've been in love with Sasuke since probably forever and he's just been off leading his miserable life without me. That's why Sakura hates him though. She hates him for hurting me. And if she finds us, she'll show him no mercy, even if that means breaking my heart in the process. Sakura would have Sasuke killed in an instant just to protect me. Although, I think it has more to do with punishing him than protecting me. I know it's out of love though. It's not her fault that she hates him; it's his.

Her finding us would ruin everything. But, really, what is there to ruin? I have no plan. Fuck, I don't even know where we are. I just ran until I found some shabby cabin. We'll probably have to move when Sasuke wakes up. We might have to just keep on moving for the rest of our lives. We may never get to settle and... I don't know... relax. Hell, I'm talking like Sasuke will want to stay with me. Who do I think I am? We're talking about the guy who's wanted nothing to do with me for years now.

Sasuke shifts and I hold my breath again. He mumbles something incoherent and sighs. I release my breath. Still asleep. He looks so peaceful this way. He's smirking a little bit in his dreams too. It makes me forget the nerves. Fuck it if he doesn't want to stay. At least I got this time with him, right? At least while he's asleep, I can pretend that things are as I wanted them to be. I can't, and don't want to, fight the urge to brush a lock of hair out of his face. His cheeks redden when my fingers brush his skin and I find myself blushing too. I go a step further and run my fingers through his hair. He sighs again and turns his still sleeping face toward me. I swallow a huge lump in my throat. Oh my god. I really love him. He moans lightly and takes a shallow gasp before rolling onto his side. When he rolls, he grimaces and grunts in pain. I think that will be enough to wake him, but it doesn't. He just settles onto his back again.

"Sasuke?" I whisper. He doesn't stir. "Sasuke, I want you to wake up," I say. Nothing. I think I prefer it this way though. Maybe I can just practice what I should say. "I want you to wake up and smile at me." Dead silence. "I want you to tell me that... that you love me too." It feels right to say those things, but I know I'll just go blank when he really wakes up. "I want you to stay by my side." Silence. Woah. Wait. Scratch that. Fucking scratch that.

"Naruto," Sasuke mumbles, shifting slightly. I wait a long time, wondering if he's awake or not. I decide that he's definitely not awake. "Naruto," he repeats and my breath hitches. What is he dreaming about me? "Stay," he breathes and my heart skips a beat. Stay? What does that mean? I don't know, but I talk back anyway, like he can even hear me.

"I'm never leaving you, Sasuke," I whisper and he smiles. He fucking  _smiles_ and my heart stops.

That's a smile that I haven't seen in... well... shit... I don't know how long! Even before he left, he wasn't happy like that. He hadn't laughed or smiled in ages. I imagine that he hasn't smiled much, if at all, since leaving either. And, yet, here he is, mumbling my name and smiling. I kind of feel like throwing up. His smile is just so... beautiful. I gently touch his face and I know I've done it now because his expression dulls and his eyes start to flutter. I remove my hand quickly and start to panic.

 _He's waking up! He's waking up! He's waking up!_  repeats itself incessantly in my head. Then, _Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! What do I do?_ becomes my mantra. Then, _He's looking at me! He's looking at me! He's looking at me!_  And some more, _What do I do?! OH MY FUCKING GOD! WHAT DO I DO?!_

My eyes must be shouting because he quirks a brow at me before speaking.

"Calm down," he says quietly. His voice is a little raspy. In my opinion, that just makes it sexier. Ugh! Why am I thinking that at a time like this? I'm so preoccupied that I forget to answer him. "Calm down," he repeats. I still don't answer. I can't read him. His face is emotionless, but I bet mine is just speaking volumes. He grabs my hand that's resting idly on the bed and repeats himself yet again. "Calm down." My heart shoots off into space. I actually start breathing really hard and my vision starts swimming. Holy shit, I'm really fucking nervous. I'm really freaking out!

"I- I- I-" I begin stammering like a broken record, not even sure if there  _is_  an end to that sentence or even a  _second word_.

" _Calm down_ ," he says again, stressing the words. I take a huge breath and release it with a giant puff. I try to take his advice, but it's hard. After a long time of me trying to breathe properly and him just watching me blankly, I get pretty much back to normal. "Where are we?" he asks eventually. The combination if his intense eyes and his husky voice causes me to fluster again.

"I-I don't know," I say. "S-Somewhere in the woods, far away from anyone."

"Did you clean up your tracks?" he asks. I'm quiet for a moment as the question processes. Tracks. Clean. Shit! No! No, I didn't! My eyes must tell the story for me. "We have to go then," he says simply. "Quickly, before they find us."

"There's no guarantee that they're looking," I blurt out, but I know that it's a stupid statement. Sakura is definitely looking. She knows that I've been waiting for Sasuke. She'll have told the entire village and sent people out looking for us to make sure I'm alive and that Sasuke is dead. I sigh. "You're too weak to go," I try again. He tries to move and winces loudly. I grimace with him. "See?" I say softly. "It hurts."

"I'll get over it," he bites out, his eyes still clenched shut. I watch him slowly sit upright and grimace all the while. I feel like I can feel his pain. I wish he'd just lie down. He just needs to rest... but they  _are_  looking for us and I  _am_  the dumbass who didn't cover his tracks. This is my fault.

"Where will we even go?" I ask.

"Who fucking cares?" he says quietly, his voice made breathy from the pain. "Anywhere that people aren't."

I look away and we both stay silent for a moment longer. Then, I hand him his shirt, which he puts on slowly. I gather our things and hold my hand out to help him up. He takes it hesitantly and stands. I walk a few feet away and dare him to follow with my eyes. He tries valiantly but ends up staggering, so I'm at his side and catching him instantly, of course. He refuses to look at me though. I suspect he feels embarrassed and ashamed. I don't want to ridicule him, so I just hoist him up on my back and leave the cabin. I make a shadow clone to clean up after me and start running. Where? I don't know. I just run and hope that I'm not hurting Sasuke too much.

* * *

I walk over to the bed and hand Sasuke a steaming bowl of soup. He sits up slowly and takes it, setting it in his lap. I eat my own soup across the cabin at the table. We've been here for two days. This is our fourth stop. We've just been finding random places to crash for a few days at a time while Sasuke heals. Once he's better then... we... I... I don't know. He doesn't look at me often and he sleeps most of the time. I've stopped trying to make small talk and that's pretty much eliminated the need for me to give him that epic speech I was so worried about coming up with. I sometimes catch him staring in my general direction, but I have no idea if that actually has anything to do with  _me_. He often smiles in his sleep, but  _only_  in his sleep.

I sigh as I eat my soup. I hate this. I hate it so much. This isn't what I wanted. I wanted something different. I guess I wanted a fucking fairytale and I was stupid for that. Did I actually think that I'd get it? Did I actually think that we could just be together, like nothing had ever happened? What a fucking joke! I'm such a fucking idiot! I get so angry at myself that I accidentally knock my bowl onto the ground. It breaks with a loud crash and Sasuke startles. He looks over at me but I'm too busy being infuriated to really take notice of that. Why can't Sasuke just love me? Why can't Sasuke just... just... I don't know! Just fucking  _talk_  to me!

"Naruto?" Sasuke says and I whip my head up to look at him. Did I say that out loud? He just stares at me and I look back at him expectantly.

 _What, Sasuke?_ I ask in my head, the question evident in my eyes. _What is it? What do you want? Tell me! Tell me! Talk to me!_ I get a bit excited as I swear that I see something positive flashing through his eyes.

"I'm thirsty."

I just stare at him for a long time before moving. I throw a canteen at him and leave the cabin. I need some fucking air.

* * *

Sasuke and I barely speak at all now. He asks me for shit and I just give it to him. He can move around better now that it's been a month of healing. He looks at me even less, if that's fucking possible. I'm watching him sit out in a clearing as he peacefully watches the clouds. We've been here for two days now. This is our tenth stop. We spend about two to four days at each place, depending on how eager he is to move on. He makes all those decisions on his own. I don't even care though. I'm too preoccupied with that fact that I'm upset and miserable and in love with a bastard who doesn't seem to give two shits about any of that, granted I have yet to really admit the whole in love part out loud. But, still!

I'm sure of it now though; I'm just Sasuke's ticket to freedom. He's just using me because he knows I'll keep him safe. Once he's able, he'll fucking leave me again. He'll run away and probably go destroy Konoha for his stupid fucking revenge. I growl to myself. Fuck Sasuke! Why do I even love him?! I should fucking kill him! I should just... I should leave him here!

I won't though. I know I won't. He's right. I  _will_  protect him. I _will_  take care of him until he's healthy enough to run away and leave me all alone. I sigh heavily and see his head move an inch to catch a glimpse of me over his shoulder. I just roll my eyes and turn to walk away.

I take a long walk through the trees. What kind of life have I gotten myself into? What will I do once Sasuke leaves? I can't just go home and say that I ran away with him for a few months but now I'm back, so it's okay. Sakura will fight it for sure, but I could very well be a missing-nin by now, too. They have no idea what happened to me. All they know is that Sasuke and I fought in the clearing, we both spilled blood, then  _I_  ran to that cabin, and we  _both_  disappeared. It looks like I'm working with him now. Well, I am, but that's not the point. The point is that I've just ruined my life for that bastard. I give a tree a good dose of rasengan. I've risked everything for that asshole and he's just using me. I offer another tree a taste of my anger. I've loved him relentlessly for years and for what? Nothing! I put another hole through another tree.

I feel like killing something but, instead, I just sit down and have a good cry. The despair is stifling. As angry as I am at Sasuke, I'm sadder than anything. I deluded myself into some stupid fantasy that we could never actually share, and now I have to face the facts that it's all impossible. I just... I just want to be with him. Why is that too much to ask for?

* * *

I've got a tighter grip on my emotions now. Sasuke talks to me, but only in short bursts. It's been three months now and Sasuke is a lot better, though he still has some pains. We walk at a slow pace now instead of me carrying him. We've built our own shelter this time. Correction,  _I_  built  _Sasuke_  a shelter. I don't sleep in there with him. I sleep by the fire, and he doesn't seem to give a fuck. I try to pretend that he's  _not_  going to leave me, but I also won't let myself believe that he's going to stay either. I just try to focus on the here and now. I don't think I've felt that giddy joy of being around Sasuke in about two months now. That's all been lost. I'm not even sure that I love him anymore.

Well, that's a lie. I do love him. I love him a lot. I just hate him too.

Well, I don't  _hate_  him. I understand him, so that makes it hard to hate him.

He's had a hard life, not that  _I_  haven't had a hard one  _too_ , but that's not the point. The point is that he's had it rough, and he's just trying to find some peace. He's lost. He's confused. He's angry. If I was him, would I honestly have done things any differently? If I was him and he was me and I had known that someone like him loved me, then, yes, I would have done things a whole lot differently. But I'm not Sasuke and Sasuke isn't me.

Sasuke doesn't even know how I feel, so I can't blame him, can I? He left without understanding how much I needed him. Perhaps, if he  _had_ known back then, he would have stayed. That Sasuke definitely would have stayed. That Sasuke wasn't hardened and calloused by the miserable things that this Sasuke has faced, but this Sasuke is the Sasuke that I'm stuck with now. So I find it hard to be truly resentful of him. He's just playing the cards that he's been dealt. Is it his fault that he was served such a life? No.

I only wish that I could have saved him. I wish that I could have stopped him from ever having been forced down this wretched path. I could save him now, if he'd let me, but he won't. He'll never love me back, at least not in the way that I love him. He doesn't even know that my love goes further than the brotherly kind. I never explained that to him, and I don't think that I ever will. I think I'll just let him go in peace, if it'll make him happy.

I vacantly wonder what he dreams about at night that's always causing him to smile. Whatever that is, I'd like to know so I could give it to him. Then, he could be happy.

* * *

"Naruto?" Sasuke asks softly as we're sitting by a fire that he built.

He's almost completely healed now. It's been seven months. He's been a lot more comfortable around me for the past few months and he's not opposed to looking at or talking to me anymore. It means nothing to me though. I know he should be leaving me any day now. He's been capable of leaving for a couple of months now. I think he's just dragging it out for some stupid reason. Maybe he's just torturing me. Like I said, it's some stupid reason that I don't know.

Lately, however, he's bee... nice. He's been smirking at me openly. He's been talking to me softly. He almost always whispers to me, instead of talking normally. He's even told a few jokes that I've laughed at, even if I didn't want to. I don't want to feel happy in his company because I know it's not mine to keep. I feel so conflicted though. I've wanted to leave him so many times, to just disappear in the middle of the night and save myself the pain of being abandoned. I've tried over and over again, but I always look at his smiling face in his slumber and I can't move. So, I stay.

I allow a long moment to pass before I answer Sasuke.

"Yes?" I finally say, staring into the flames, and he shifts a little closer to me. I pay that no mind.

"Where do you want to go?" he asks. I shrug.

"I don't know," I say dispassionately.

"Sure you do," he urges. "Where?" I look at him with a raised brow.

"Why?" I ask skeptically. What is he getting at?

"So I can take you," he says,  _smiling_  at me. My brow rises a great deal higher. He's smiling at me while he's  _conscious_. What the fuck? "I'm better now, so we can go anywhere. We don't have to keep hiding in the shadows, since I can take better care of myself." I look back into the flames and snort.

"Whatever," I grumble. I don't really want to hear what he's saying. It's not real. His kindness, his warmth, it isn't real.

"What?" he asks softly, touching my arm. The action angers me to no end.

What the fuck is he doing? After all of this time, he's being... sweet! What the fuck?! Why is he doing this to me? If he's going to leave, then he needs to leave! He  _is_  going to leave, right?  _Of course_! ...Right? Ah, fuck! This game is stupid. It's sick and it's fucked up. He needs to fucking fuck off and just get this over with! He's only been using me, hasn't he? He... he has... right?  _Right_?

The uncertainty is only making me angrier. I shake my head vigorously and stand to go for a walk to clear my mind. I'm getting too worked up over this little mind game he's playing. What, is he trying to confuse me before he disappears? I honestly hope that he's gone when I get back. He grabs my elbow firmly, though, to keep me from leaving and stands too.

"Let me go," I demand.

"Why?" he argues. I sneer and wrench my elbow from his grip. I start walking away, but he follows. "Wait!" he demands. I keep walking briskly. "Wait!"

"NO!" I scream, whirling around to face him and fighting the urge to punch him. "I will  _NOT_  wait, Sasuke! I'm tired of fucking waiting!" He stares at me with wide eyes before I go on emotionally, "I've been waiting for years! I waited when you left, waited for you to come back to me! I waited and waited and  _waited,_  but you never came! I had to chase you down and even then, you didn't want to come! I had to knock you out and drag you!" He looks defiant, but I don't give him the chance to voice any of his opinions. "And I've been waiting for months now too! I've been waiting for you to just  _leave_  already or else..." I trail off, unwilling to say the rest. It's just too painful to say out loud.

"Or else what?" he asks quickly, looking ridiculously eager to hear me finish. I shake my head no. "Or else  _what_?" he repeats urgently, as if the unspoken words are his life source. I find that really strange, but I still don't want to tell him. " _Please_ ," he very nearly begs and I grit my teeth. God! Fuck him for looking so... needy! I have the urge to hug him or something and make that look of concern disappear, and it pisses me the fuck off. So I just answer him out of anger for the way that he's making me feel.

"Leave or just fucking love me back already!" I shout. I look pointedly at the ground as I begin to cry. Fuck me for being such a whimp. I'm too emotional and he's too...  _not_. Despite his oddly reactive state right now,  _he'd_  never cry like this. I am though. I'm crying like a baby. "If you... If you're never gonna love me," I choke out, "then please just  _leave me alone_. I took care of you. I fixed you. I protected you. You're safe. You're healthy. Now just  _go_."

"Just wait a second," he says, his voice extremely soft now, but I shake my head no.

"I'm turning and I'm walking away," I say, looking up at him through bleary eyes. "What you do is solely up to you, but if you walk after me, you'd better  _never_  turn your back on me again; and if you talk to me, you'd better mean  _every_  fucking word you say; and if you kiss me, you'd better taste it like it's the fucking  _air you breathe_. Or else... or else just go the fuck away!" I turn abruptly and begin walking away. I pick up the pace gradually until I'm sprinting wildly.

I run for what seems like miles, blundering through thick forestry and earning myself cuts and bruises all over my body. But I don't care. My eyes are so clouded with tears and my heart is so heavy with misery that I could die right now and not even care. I finally stop running when my lungs are in a full uproar and my mind is threatening to black out. I slow to a halt and fall straight to my knees. I don't have any breath left to cry, but I sob anyway and bury my face in my hands. I don't know how long I sit like that before I feel a hand on my shoulder. I don't even care. Whoever it is can kill me. I don't care.

"I..." the person begins, and I sob even harder because it's Sasuke. He... followed me. "I..." he starts again before he's interrupted by his own panting. "It's... my... turn... to... chase... you... Na... ru... to..." he says slowly, panting heavily between each syllable. I cry harder. "I... won't... leave... I... I'll... s-stay..." he says and falls to his knees beside me. The words are hard to accept. Does he mean them? Eventually, the sobbing slows until I'm not crying at all anymore. I finally peer up at him through my fingers once my breathing has leveled out, and his breath has returned to him too. "I want to stay," he assures, as if he's just been waiting for me to give in so that he could tell me again. I purse my lips and wrinkle my nose.

"Liar," I say simply and he snorts. I look away, but he grabs my chin and forces me to look at him. That shocks me, so I don't fight it.

"I've been praying that you  _wouldn't_  come to your senses about how fucking  _stupid_  this all is and leave me," he says. I'm about to protest, but he charges on. "I've been hoping selfishly that you would stay with me. After it seemed like you weren't leaving, I found it easier to indulge in you again. It's been seven months and you're still at my side, so... so I thought it was time I stopped doubting you and start believing in...  _us_." His eyes start to sparkle, and I'm utterly entranced. "I thought it was time that things changed, Naruto, because I  _do_  love you and I  _do not_  want to go  _anywhere_ without you."

He stares me down for a long moment, searching me for any sign of a response. He won't get it though, because I'm frozen. I'm absolutely shocked. Were those truly the words that I've been waiting to hear for years? Did he really just say that to me? Is he truly going to stay? Can this really be happening? I can't do anything but stare. After a while, his gaze grows panicked and I force myself out of my stupor. An instant grin stretches across my face and I find that it's met with that same smile Sasuke has been sporting in his sleep. My heart flutters. Maybe this is what Sasuke has been dreaming about. Maybe we've really shared the same dream all of this time and just never known. That doesn't matter now though. What matters is where we go from here... and I want to go to anywhere that Sasuke is.

Right now, however, Sasuke is a good six inches or so away from me. That just won't do. I tear my gaze from his captivating eyes and lock my sights on my destination. I instinctively lick my lips. Sasuke parts his just slightly in response and I feel my eyes drooping heavily as my body starts to travel. Sasuke must have begun moving too, because it only takes about half a second before our bodies meet. Hands fly to hair and grip shirts, chests press against each other, lips mold together. All the while, my brain explodes from a mix between euphoria and blissful fucking ecstasy. We part after what feels like an eternity and I instantly miss the warmth of his lips. He rests his forehead against mine.

"You've taken me home, Naruto," he says softly and I fight the urge to cry again.

It's just a simple statement, but it's  _everything_. It's what I've been so desperate to do for years now. It's Sasuke's way of telling me that I don't have to struggle anymore. It's his way of assuring me that I've finally caught up and I don't have to watch his back retreating any longer. Now we can stand side by side, hand in hand. We've  _both_  been searching our entire lives for our purpose, but the search is over. We've  _both_  found a place to belong. And as long as we stay together, that home will follow us wherever we go. We stand and I hug him for the first time in... I don't want to think about how long. And I don't feel like I can  _ever_  let him go again. I smile, then, because I don't have to. I don't ever have to let go.


End file.
